Get a Clue

I have been a Mommy for a month now. Throughout this time, I've come to realize that from time to time, I try to fit "the mold" of what people expect a mother to be. Well, I'm just here to say: get a fucking clue.

Mmkay, so it seems like everyone has this image stuck in their head of a mother being like Mrs. Cleaver, wearing clean, pressed dresses every day, hair coiffed, makeup perfect, polite and kind, smelling good and being able to fix any problem by dinner time (with dinner of course being some elaborate spread she's slaved in the kitchen all day making). Well I'm just gonna say, that's not reality for the majority of women anyway, and damn sure not for me. Most women nowadays are putting in 40+ hour work weeks, going to school, and who knows what else. We're successful. Being successful equals messier hair, simple or no makeup, and the occasional wrinkle in our shirt. Well, I get to stay at home all day and get puked on by the Spawn, so I don't quite fall into this category.

If anyone has known me for any significant amount of time, there are a few things they can probably tell you about me. Some are obvious. Some become obvious very quickly after coming around me. I have a lot of tattoos, my hair changes color often, I smoke too much, I drink a lot, and I have a dirty, filthy mouth. Most of the time, these things are coupled with an "IDGAF" attitude. Not always. Just depends on how dense you are.

I'm just going to get straight to the point, because I don't feel like typing about this for ten hours straight: I'm not a bad mother because I say the word "fuck". Sure, chock it up to inexperience, or me being "too young". I'm pretty sure I'll still be using four-letter words when I'm 35, when I'm 60, and probably on my death bed. Words are just that: words. Random assortments of the alphabet that someone decided could be offensive and "bad". GET OVER IT. I SAY A LOT OF BAD WORDS. If that makes me seem immature to you, so be it. You obviously don't know what I'm capable of. I'm not like every single other knocked up 19 year old girl. Just watch that Teen Mom show once, it makes me throw up in my mouth a little bit. Then sit and actually break my mind open. You'll realize that not every 19 year old kid is what Hollywood makes us out to be. *SOME* of us are capable of incredible, fantastic things. We just say dirty words to piss everyone off.

How this concerns me? I don't always wear super nice clothes. Sometimes (most of the time) my hair looks jacked, and my makeup is less than flattering. My nails are always peeling. If I paint them, they're chipped within the day. I spit a lot. None of these things make someone a bad parent. What makes someone a good parent is unconditional love for their little ball of drool. Patience. Understanding. Selflessness. Sitting for hours just soaking up every moment they can, because they know they'll never get it back. Your pressed khakis don't make you better than me. Sitting in the floor with books, practically reading to yourself  because the kid is still too small to really understand, but doing it anyway because it lets them hear your voice? That makes you awesome. It takes a lot of work, but it's nothing like your 9-5 job. It comes naturally, spread out over the course of the days and months and years that your child is in your life. The fact that I realize that, I think, puts me far ahead of the competition.

There is a time and a place for everything. Obviously, I'm not going to make "shit" Lilla's first word. I'm not gonna get falling down drunk in front of my kid to set an example. But being a parent does NOT mean that life stops. I hate it when people say that. It just depends on how you make your life work around your children - not your children work around your life. They should always come first, first, first. Then, once in a while, you can go out with your friends, say shitfuckcuntdamnscrew, and have one too many before you sleep it off and go back to being Superparent the next day.

Get real.

Chasing Rainbows

This is going to be a very personal post. I have come to a crossroads.

There are times that it is so hard to know what is "right". Now conveniently happens to be one of those times for me, personally. There are several things that have been kicking my ass as of late, and I'm coming to the point that the weight of everything on my shoulders is about to make my knees buckle. Physically, the only bothersome issue is obviously being 32 weeks pregnant. My husband is amazing, so I don't have to work, the apartment is manageable in size concerning cleaning, and I'm not yet enrolled in a college up here. What's becoming unbearable is the emotional weight I've been carrying for so long now. And this concerns me.

There are several things that have been happening lately that I was not prepared for in any way, shape, or form. I figured that after my husband graduated OSUT, things would be blissful, we would be reunited, and everything would just be downhill from there until the baby was born. Things turned out to be quite the opposite. And I have been on an emotional rollercoaster ever since. I'm at the point that I'm just not sure what to do to make things okay, anymore. I don't expect someone to give me the magic word and make everything go away overnight. What I mean is, I don't even know how or where to start to work and make progress and fix things over time anymore. Rob and I have discussed, fought, talked, cried, and screamed about all this, trying to come to a resolution that worked for both of us and would help us get better. It's really difficult to say how much progress we've made at this point. Honestly, the two of us have quite volatile tempers. I am finding that the main issue is that we let our tempers do the reasoning, as opposed to being able to calmly come to any conclusion. In turn, things get said that really shouldn't, harsh words get used, and I'll be totally real with you for two seconds: feelings get hurt.

If you know me in person, you know that I have an issue with "feelings". I don't like feelings. Feelings give me the heebie jeebies. I don't deal well with emotions, because I too often associate emotions with weakness. It's a pretty long story, a lot of it has to do with my family and all that, you know. The typical reasons that someone gets emotionally jacked up. As you can imagine, dealing with all this stress and change has heebie jeebied me to the max, because it brings out the emotional side of me that I really, really can't stand. On top of that, my husband does not deal with my emotions well - AT ALL. It's the hardest thing in the world for me to deal with, because I am craving attention at this point. I want it nonstop. I want affection and physical connection and talking and quiet times together. He, on the other hand, is on a completely different playing field. This evokes my sometimes overbearing emotions, and hit fits the shan. Things have changed so drastically, in such a short amount of time it seems. I don't know what to do anymore to cope.

He was gone for such a huge part of my pregnancy, especially the points at which I really needed his support and presence the most. When he came back, everything had completely changed. You can try to prepare yourself all you want, but you can never imagine what kind of a man is coming back to you after that training. In my mind at least, I knew he would be more serious, more disciplined, that his attitude would probably have changed, but I figured our relationship would go back to what it was before he left: that comfortable, easygoing, nonchalant infatuation. What I've found is that we're having a difficult time adapting to each others' needs. It doesn't help that we both need drastically different things at this point. Communication is difficult between the two of us as well. Like I said, volatile tempers. I have become an exceptionally emotional being, and he has become even more reserved with his emotions. Basically like I've just sucked all the emotion out of him and I leave it on display 24/7.

It's hard for me to face this, because it's so hard for him to face it, too. We can talk about it all we want, but actions speak louder than words. I often feel that I am bearing the weight of being alone most of the time, pregnant, emotional in a way I've never felt before, and desperate for attention and support, and I feel like I'm doing it by myself. You absolutely have to understand one thing, if nothing else from everything I've said. My husband is not a bad husband, or father. He still is and always will be the most amazing, absolutely incredible man in my eyes. Nothing, not a single thing could change that. Being 20 and having a baby and being married wasn't on either of our agendas at any point. We're doing all we can to make it through this with our heads still above water. We're handling this the best way we know how, and sometimes his way and my way don't exactly mesh.

We are working so hard to find that common ground. I'm doing everything I can to keep myself healthy in every aspect, particularly mentally. I wouldn't call this a "dark" time in my life, because it's really anything but that. I would call it the point underneath the rainbow, where you can't see it because you don't have that perspective yet, and it's gonna be a lot of work and searching to find that pot of gold. It can't happen til you get to a point that you can straighten out your perspective again and readjust your focus.You have to get out from under the rain storm first.

More than anything, what I hope you take from this post is that you should never, ever lose sight of your ultimate goals. Know your priorities. Be able to sit down and discuss them with the people that are important to you. If there's conflict, find a way to work toward common ground. Don't expect anything to happen overnight. Selfishness accomplishes nothing, and you should be real with yourself and change pace when you see it becoming a trend. Don't ever keep yourself in a situation that breaks your heart nonstop. I promise you, it's not worth it. Most of our friction comes from being a military family, on top of other personal issues that we have problems discussing at times. But any family can experience these things. It's nothing to be ashamed of, but it is something that should be taken seriously and dealt with effectively. If you have to bring in an outside, unbiased opinion, do it. But do it the right way, with someone you can both trust and turn to for help. Just don't be quick to write your loved ones off.

Whether you're a lover, or a fighter...always fight for what you love.

Oh, Life...

My husband is finally home. He's been home now for just over three days. I've never been happier in my life. Never. In. My. Life.

I cannot tell you how many times I have already cried tears of joy as I lay in the bed next to him in the morning, tracing his features, re-memorizing his face with the tip of my finger. I missed that morning breath, and it's still just as toxic. Just the weight of him in the bed, rolling me to the middle, is enough to send my heart soaring. I've come close to death a few times, I don't think he's yet adjusted to not doing everything in fear of his life anymore. While he was sleeping the first night, he punched the bed right next to my head so hard that if he'd hit me, I'm sure I would've been knocked out. It was the most random thing I've ever seen him do in his sleep. Scary stuff. Last night he was facing the wall, and I was lying behind him, and my forearm was lying the length of his ribs. I fell asleep that way. Suddenly, I'm awakened by this terrible pain in my forearm, and when I look to see what's happening, he's still very much asleep and is gripping the skin on top of my arm as hard as he possibly can. He picked up my arm and threw it down behind him. Funniest shit ever. His mother scared the living daylights out of him today when he was sleeping on the couch. She came home and got all excited talking to the dogs, and when the screen door slammed, he almost launched off the couch. Boy, he was ready to go. Whatever that Drill Sergeant had in store for him, he was gonna be on his feet ready to take it. I could've died laughing...I can tell it's gonna take quite some time for him to start resembling a Soldier that has graduated training, ya know, like, some resemblance to a normally functioning human being.

We also went to an OB appointment together today. He got to hear her heartbeat for the first time. He had that adorable, priceless little smirk on his face, just the same as when we saw a 10-week sonogram. I want to capture the essence of that facial expression and carry it around with me all the time. It's so special.

I've noticed that he doesn't drag his hand across the TV to kill the static on it anymore...

All the good things come at a price, I will tell you that. For anyone that will soon be dealing with their Soldier coming home from training (I can't speak for deployments yet, but I'm entirely sure this could also apply then), and also for those that are old hands at it, I'm sure you can relate. Be ready for them to be very, very different. Some guys handle it better than others. Mine is...taking his time to adjust, I suppose. Or maybe it's more difficult for him than for the next guy. It's not what I imagined it would be, to say the least, and I have to face the music when it comes to re-adjusting to having him around again. He has to re-adjust, too. We've fought, gotten over it. It's so hard right now, so hard, but I knew this was coming, and I will face it all with my head held high. We will get through this. Yes, things have been said that I wish weren't, and I am dealing with issues that I never imagined would exist for us, but I know we will make it. I am not the same woman I was four months ago. This experience has deeply affected me in several ways, and I realize that nothing is quite the same anymore. For him, I see glimpses of the same man I sent away, but he really is a different beast now. We can't expect them to go through the things they've gone through, and see and hear what they have, with death and destruction drilled into their brains, without them coming back changed a bit. It's all in how we choose to let that affect us, and how we choose to handle that. My husband says things sometimes that I just have to shake my head at. I know what the Army is about. I know what his job is. I was and always will be entirely aware of what the requirements are and what is being asked of him to fulfill his duty to this country. His mother can't handle it. At his graduation, they had simulated machine gun fire and grenades. Basically just a bunch of noise and flashes preceding the rifle squad doing their demonstration. She burst into tears. I was excited as hell. I thought it was COOL! I understand what it means. I understand what he's facing when/if he deploys. I don't like the thought of him going - who would? But I'm prepared to handle every up and down with just as much a sense of pride and duty as my husband serves with. He's a different man now. I see so many things that have changed, but all those changes have strengthened and reinforced all the wonderful parts of the "old him" I still see. I could get angry, and scream and shout and cry at him, telling him how horribly he's treating me and how I don't like the things he says, how unfair it is to me that he acts how he does after so long. Fact of the matter is, that's not gonna fix anything. He is what he is now. I married him, knowing what we were getting ourselves into. And, although there are moments where I really do feel that way, I realize that we both have a newfound, deep appreciation for each other. Sometimes things have to go unspoken to be best understood. It's the quiet moments, or that split second that you make eye contact unexpectedly, where you best hear it.

On a lighter note, I can tell you another thing: the Army does NOT make PCSing easy. If you're new to this game, be prepared for that, too. Contact Transportation Offices early to make sure their phone numbers are in order and you can actually speak with a human being. All of the numbers for Florida and Georgia are out of service, or do not answer when you call several times. Useful, huh? I don't see this working out smoothly, to say the least.

In two days, my life will change even more drastically. As of the end of this week, I will reside in a huge metro area - a stark change from the country life I've enjoyed for almost 20 years. My life is gonna be flipped upside down again. But we'll be entirely on our own. As scary as that can be, I think I'm even more excited. We get to go through the struggle, and the frustration, and the hard work, and the ultimate joy and payoff of doing things for ourselves. This is a milestone for both of us. As much of a whirlwind as Army life has become, I couldn't help but love it more every single day.

Boys Will Be Boys...and So Will Men.

I must say that I'm not often surprised by people. There's really no amount of genius or stupidity that makes me gasp in shock and awe anymore. But that's just in the general population. When your job is to represent and defend the United States of America, take it seriously, assholes. This is not middle school. Neither is Afghanistan. We should be able to grow a pair and settle our differences without fists, or better yet just ignore them altogether. I hold you personally responsible for having my husband's back over in the big sandbox, just as I hold him responsible for yours, even though I don't know you. I hope one day someone really does kick your ass and teach you a lesson about GROWING UP. Welcome to the real world. You've been in training for 3 months, and you should be able to handle yourself as a professional Soldier now. Quit being childish.

On another note, its just now 08:00 and I'm sitting in the LabCorp office...waiting. I woke up at 06:00 to get ready, I was here around 07:00. I had to get MORE pregnancy blood work done (go figure). So, I've been fasting since midnight, which does NOT agree with my body. I'm already feeling like garbage walking in to this place, knowing its really about to go down. See, I'm not afraid of needles at all. However, I always get a bit sick when they take blood outta me. See where I'm goin with this? The lady stabs me, I'm fine for the first vial. After that, it's game on. I get lightheaded, nauseous, clammy. So I tell this poor lady, I'm wilting! Anchors away, I'm goin down! My blood was just not filling those vials fast enough for her. The broad at the front desk runs in with a glass of water and the phlebotomist starts rubbing the nasty juice bottle on my neck. I thought I was down for the count. Amazing what water fixes. I was 100% after about 30 seconds. Then away we go, down the hatch with this glucose nonsense. I wish you could've seen the way this lady was trying to pitch this drink to me. Essentially, its flat Orange Fanta. She made it sound like liquid edible gold. Wonder if she's ever tried going into sales? I had 5 minutes to drink it. Longest 5 minutes of my life.

So, here I wait to go get stabbed again in 10 minutes. I will be so glad if I never see another needle again after having this kid.

The Best Things In Life

Okay, I'm just gonna cut straight to the point: I can't think of anywhere I would rather be in my life right now. There are several things that could have gone differently, and I could be on one of many other paths - good and bad. This is the best place I can fathom in my pretty little head right now. Being married to the military is, in NO way, simple or easy or fun all the time. There have been days that I really wished I could just not have to be myself anymore, countless nights that sleep would elude me, and I've had tantrums that rival the brattiest 2-year-olds, smack dab in the middle of the hospital or other inappropriate public place or even my bedroom over missed phone calls (and I'm just starting out - I can't imagine how I'll be after 3 years!).

However, I choose to not dwell on these days, like so many others may. I have a husband who loves me unconditionally, who is a brave and strong man with a beautiful smile and some seriously gorgeous eyes. I have a daughter on the way that I know is just going to be the biggest joy in my life and I cannot wait to meet her. But maybe one of the most incredible things I've witnessed in the past 3 months is all the excitement that has happened around me. The women I have met that are living the same thing as me, be it other wives, girlfriends, fiancées, mothers, sisters, or in-laws, have been the only source of sanity I could seriously rely on every day. We've all melted down together and built each other back up. We've bitched, moaned, cried, cursed, laughed, danced, sang, screamed, and sometimes just listened, never leaving each others' virtual sides. There is a connection between us that is second to none. It can never really be understood by someone standing outside the bounds of the lives we lead, although we would never place ourselves above those who are not in the same boat as us. We are our own little family, though. There's this bond that I can't even begin to describe. And although we have shared several difficult days, the awesome days are the ones that will forever be burnt into my memory. I get to share in so much excitement with these girls. I take it as a serious privilege that I get to participate in their moments of joy. There are babies born, homecomings, engagements and weddings, reunions - you name it, we get it. There are days that are just like one big party, where something ridiculously exciting happens for just about everyone (these days are called "Sundays", because they typically get to call home then). But no, in all reality, it's something that I hope doesn't get taken for granted by too many of us. There is so much endured on both sides of things, and I'd almost guarantee you that none of us girls are going through HALF the stuff these guys are going through. However, we serve in a different way. Call it cheesy, but it's truer than some people may ever know. For all the days filled with tears and heartache, they are countered by the days that I see photos of smiling faces when a family reunites with their Soldier, or a guy on one knee in his ACU's proposing to the girl of his dreams. There is no better feeling to me. The strength that I see in these women is absolutely incredible, and it keeps me going day by day. I couldn't be happier when I see them glowing next to their Soldiers. You can feel the pride radiating off the screen. It's an awesome thing to be part of.

There are all kinds of things people could say about the life I've chosen to live, or how I've decided to do things. I'm aware of them all. Ignorance is bliss, though, and assumptions don't get you very far, either. I chose to make things the way they are. Nothing happened by accident, and there was nothing to force me into the actions I've taken. I love, love, LOVE my life. I'm not too young. I'm not stupid or naive. Every decision my husband and I made was made together, after much discussion and compromise from both of us. This is where you begin see how age does not equal maturity, and young does not equal incapable. I tend to find the exact opposite! I would not change a single thing. It's all in how you decide to handle the things that life hands you. And I choose to stay on the positive side of things, always. I feel it gets me a lot further and annoys fewer people (if there is ONE thing I could rant about for days on end, it would be people - especially women - that know how to do nothing but whine and seek pity). Not to mention, the days go by faster when you are happy, so it really shortens the time between now and when I'll see my husband again, right? Right. Which, as of now, is a span of 11 days! And then, he'll be snoring next to me once again, and everything will be as it should be. There is no better life than this. :)

Candle Tribute to Bravo 2-58: MARCH ON TO HONOR HILL!

Just wanted to share the photo of my candle that I lit for my husband's company as they finish their FTX tonight. This is so huge in my eyes. They are truly some incredible men. I have also gotten 13 other photos so far from people across the country that have participated in this small tribute. I have never been prouder in my life. :)

The Last March...FINALLY!

Just to start off with a side note: I found my first stretch mark today. While most women would rather chew broken glass than have a stretch mark, I'm okay with this one. It's sort of a trophy of what my body's doing in creating this life...and also of all the late night visits to the kitchen. It's an important milestone for me!

Besides that, today might be one of the most exciting days of my life up to this point! Only because it's got to be one of the most exciting days in HIS life up to this point. I'd like to think our wedding day takes #1, but at this point in time, I'm pushing it aside for this momentous day in both our lives (and honestly, it's gotta be 15x better for him than me). Why, you ask? He finishes FTX today. *Insert extra cheesy smile here* For those of you who may not be completely keen on the Army jargon, lemme give you a rundown of just what FTX is and why it is just too cool that he's completing it today. K? K.

FTX stands for Field Training Exercise (yes, we all know "exercise" doesn't start with an "X"...I didn't make the rules here). Throughout the course of OSUT (14-week One Station Unit Training strictly for Infantrymen), our men do three of these exercises. The first two are cool, I'm sure, but they're small game compared to this last beast. The last FTX stretches over a 7-day period, where they can't shower, brush their teeth, or sleep in a real bed. They are in the wilderness, wild boars and all, for the entire week. It's intense. More intense for them than us, but I guess with how vicariously we live through them, it's sort of intense for us, too. Here's a schedule taken directly from the post's website.
Black Phase Schedule

• 11C Training
• 36 – 48 Hour Continuous Operations (The Gauntlet)
• Army Physical Fitness Test
• Battle March and Shoot
• Checkpoint Operations
• Cross Rifle Ceremony
• Defensive Fighting Positions
• Five mile Eagle Run
• Foot March 12 miles
• Ground Fighting Techniques
• Honor Hill Cross Rifle Ceremony
• Land Navigation Qualification
• MK-19 Machine Gun Day & Night Familiarization Fire
• Process EPW & Civil Internee
• Seven Day Field Training Exercise
• Squad Tactical Training
• Urban Operations

At the end of this phase, soldiers will be MOS (Military Occupation Specialty) qualified.

Even if you just read through that and have no idea what it says, it basically means that they've been sleep deprived, shot at, beat up, made to run several, SEVERAL miles with 80 lb. ruck sacks and full kit on, and then all kinds of other crazy stuff that normal people just don't volunteer to do (but they get to wear that awesome face paint for some of it!!!). And today marks the last day of this week of madness for them! Tonight, they will march 12 to 14 miles, with that 80 lbs. on their back, all the way to Honor Hill. This is HUGE for an Infantryman. This is where he becomes official before graduation. They receive their crossed rifle pins, prayers are said, creeds are recited, and they all dare to breathe a silent sigh of relief that they've made it. They didn't give up. They didn't let anything win over them. They have accomplished what others will only ever dream of. They are U.S. Soldiers. I can't imagine the pride that must surge as those men walk through those massive gates bearing the words "FORTES FORTUNA JUVAT" - "Fortune Favors the Brave", and surround a fire that rivals anything the local rednecks could conjure on a Friday night. I know how ecstatic, proud, relieved, and exhausted I am just by BEING so ecstatic and proud! I can't imagine that on top of doing all the crazy stuff they've been subjected to!

So, maybe that gives you a little better idea of just what is so very exciting about today. There's also the prospect of a phone call in the very near future, but you learn quickly from the very beginning about NOT getting your hopes up concerning these types of things. In exactly 2 weeks, Husband will be crossing state lines, headed Southbound this time, coming home with us for a handful of days on leave. I will get to fall asleep next to my Egghead again at last without worrying about having to take him back to post at a certain time. We might, dare I say, actually have a few days of being somewhat normal! But then, back on the bandwagon we go. We're off to Virginia to deal with that Metro madness, and start our new life together, at long last. This is the single most exciting and promising time in our lives. The world is ours. :)

Introductions

If you're wondering what makes this blog any different than the other billions made by military wives, my answer to you would be: I really couldn't say. Hopefully you'll get a different perspective from me, though. I'm 19 and completely new to this experience, so I haven't been tainted by the negatives and abounding frustrations of military life...yet. I see a lot of cynical and depressing blogs from others, and I'm sort of hoping to bring something new to the table. There's no need for all that, at least not for the majority of the time (because if ever a military wife tells you she's never had a good, hearty nuclear meltdown over nothing, she IS a liar!). So, to keep this short and sweet, I'm glad you are taking the time to follow my musings! Hopefully we can share some good laughs, maybe some tears, and a few really, really awesome and/or totally too-adorable photos.

Here's the basic rundown on my family, and our point in this journey: My name is Stevie Gail, and I married the man of my dreams on April 11 of this year. His name is Rob. Rob and I are 20 and 19 years old, respectively. He is absolutely the biggest pain in my neck, and the best thing that ever happened to me. I'll take a line that everyone else uses by saying, "We balance each other so well!" But really, he's the darker, quieter, more mysterious one that just takes things as they come. I'm definitely more demanding, to-the-point, outspoken...you get the idea. Pretty soon, we will be welcoming the biggest joy into our lives: our first child, and a DAUGHTER nonetheless! (I'm totally screwed, if you were wondering. If you ever wanted to see a spoiled child, just wait til you see this kid...Daddy is so wrapped around her little finger already I can't believe it's still attached to her.) She's supposed to join us the day before Thanksgiving. We'll see how well she listens already. Rob is in the Army, he is an Infantryman (almost!), and we are set to PCS to Old Guard in Virginia at the end of this month. As I write this, the man is out in the wilderness of Georgia, doing God knows what with Lord knows who, possibly in a 48-hour no sleep stint, before a 12 mile road march to Honor Hill to become an official Badass. If you haven't gathered, my opinion of my husband is that he's the best thing since sliced bread. And he is, really. Promise. So, our 14 weeks of separation is quickly coming to a close. Tomorrow, he finishes his FTX and is finished with his training. The end of August is going to be the ultimate time of awesomeness. He finally gets to come home! I'm very ready to have him around again. He's been gone for the majority of my pregnancy, and doing it alone was NOT the way I had always imagined it. But I've made it, and it has been the hardest, most rewarding thing I've ever done. I get to finally have him around for the last three months! (Lucky him: around for the first three months of HORRIBLE morning sickness, and the last three of horrible discomfort and legit mood swings). 

So, that's the bare essentials of "us". I love this life, I love the way things are going, and I'm VERY excited for the future. I have a completely positive outlook on anything the Big Bad Army can throw at us. I'm sure we can handle it. The change I've seen in my husband since he left is absolutely BEYOND amazing. I wouldn't trade it for the world. But, that's where I'll leave you for today. Tomorrow is a new day! :)